I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
