The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
