i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Why can't burritos get me drunk
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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