WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
