I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
