guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
