some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
