I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
