Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
how drunk are you?
Several
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
