remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
