Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
