Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
