Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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