Need sex. Gaining weight.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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