As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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