I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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