can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
