Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
