This girl is more easily done than said...
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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