I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
