i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
