4 words: hood of his car
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
