I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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