I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
