Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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