maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
