we're blogging at a bar
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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