can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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