I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
