Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
