I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
