yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
