I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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