We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
