omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
