Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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