You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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