Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
