don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
worst night to have a conscience
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
