How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
nutella sex= disaster
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
