Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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