Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Can I color on your dick again?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
