Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
