And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Randomize
