Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
