GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think pants incapable of making pants work
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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