Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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