I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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