I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
