Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
