VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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