I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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