you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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